Understanding the Stages of Grief and Why They’re Not Linear
Grief is a universal experience, yet it manifests differently in everyone. Whether due to the loss of a loved one, a significant life change, or other challenges, grief is deeply personal and complex. While the five stages of grief—denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance—offer a helpful framework for understanding this process, it’s crucial to recognize that grief is not a linear journey. At Pacific Pines Wellness, we aim to guide you through your unique grieving process, offering tools and compassion along the way.
The Five Stages of Grief: A Framework, Not a Roadmap
The concept of the five stages of grief was introduced by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross in her book On Death and Dying. This framework has become widely recognized as a way to understand the emotions involved in grieving:
Denial: Shock or disbelief can initially shield us from the pain of loss.
Anger: Feelings of frustration and helplessness may surface.
Bargaining: Seeking ways to regain control, often through “what if” scenarios.
Depression: Deep sadness and reflection on the reality of the loss.
Acceptance: Finding peace and adjusting to life post-loss.
However, these stages were never meant to dictate how grief should unfold - in reality, grief is dynamic.
Grief Is Not Linear
Contrary to popular belief, grief doesn’t progress neatly from one stage to the next. People may revisit stages, skip some entirely, or experience emotions outside this model. Here are a few reasons why grief is not linear:
Unique Relationships: The bond we shared with the person or thing we lost shapes how we grieve. The same individual may grieve differently for two different losses.
External Factors: Life circumstances, support systems, and personal coping mechanisms influence how grief unfolds.
Triggering Events: Anniversaries, memories, or even random moments can reignite emotions thought to have been resolved.
Cultural and Personal Differences: Grief is influenced by cultural, spiritual, and individual beliefs, which may add or subtract layers from Kübler-Ross’s framework.
Embracing the Nature of Grief
Instead of judging your progress or comparing your experience to others, you can focus on what feels authentic to you. Here are ways to navigate the journey:
Acknowledge Your Feelings: It’s okay to feel anger one day and acceptance the next, only to circle back to sadness later.
Seek Support: Whether through friends, family, or a professional counsellor, having a safe space to express your emotions is invaluable.
Practice Self-Compassion: Grieving is hard work. Be gentle with yourself as you navigate this path.
Explore Resources: Journaling, mindfulness, group or individual therapy can help you process your emotions in meaningful ways.
How Pacific Pines Wellness Can Help
At Pacific Pines Wellness, we recognize that each person’s grief journey is unique. Our counselling services are tailored to your needs, offering support, tools, and guidance as you navigate this complex emotional terrain. Whether you’re struggling with a specific stage or simply need a compassionate listener, we’re here for you.
Grief is not a problem to be solved or a timeline to follow; it’s a process of learning to live with loss. By acknowledging the nature of grief, you can give yourself the grace and space needed to heal at your own pace.
References
Kübler-Ross, E., & Kessler, D. (2005). On Grief and Grieving: Finding the Meaning of Grief Through the Five Stages of Loss. Scribner.
Worden, J. W. (2009). Grief Counseling and Grief Therapy: A Handbook for the Mental Health Practitioner. Springer.
Stroebe, M., Schut, H., & Boerner, K. (2017). "Coping with bereavement: A theoretical integration of two traditions." American Psychologist, 72(8), 635-648.
Center for Complicated Grief. (2022). Understanding Grief. Columbia University.
If you’d like to learn more about how we can support you, please don’t hesitate to reach out to us at Pacific Pines Wellness.